Thursday, September 1, 2016

All Summer Long

Today is September 1st (ok honestly it's late enough at night that it's probably technically the second by now but regardless it's the start of September) and I have been waiting for this day all Summer. Why? Not the start of school, or the return of all things pumpkin spice, but because I can finally stop feeling guilty over the fact that all I can think about is the coming Autumn.  Besides planning for the arrival of an October baby, my focus all Summer has been only on the Fall.  My rhythm has been off and I have had no joy in this current season.
From one of last year's Autumn adventures.

I should start by explaining that Summer is my least favorite season; I love it for what it is and some of the things it brings.  But I just don't do heat, or humidity, or that burning thing in the sky that replaces the sun.  I enjoy planting a vegetable garden, but we didn't have the new beds built in time this year.  I love our yearly reenactment camping trip, but we didn't take it this year for various reasons.  I look forward to cool grass in my toes, evenings under the stars, fresh air, but it has been too hot and humid for even being outside in the evening.  And yes being very pregnant and even more heat intolerant is not helping.

Looking out from the top of Bowman's Hill Tower,
Washington Crossing PA
And so I have spent all Summer waiting for the days were the evenings become longer and cooler, where it's acceptable to start putting out gourds and making apple flavored desserts (my vote for the true flavor of Fall).  I look forward to returning to the outside, opening the windows again, and not hiding inside.  Soon my internal rhythm will once again sync up with natures and all will be at peace. And then there will be cool weather and blazing trees, and I'll really be happy.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Healing Through Breastfeeding

First Latch
It's World Breastfeeding Week, and I wanted to take a little time to share with you my breastfeeding story.  I am very lucky I have been blessed with an easy breastfeeding journey; it's what helped Jellybean and I bond, and it was the balm that helped sooth the emotional wound from her birth.  In the hour between when she was born via cesarian section and when I finally got to hold her I felt like my body had failed me, and that I had failed her. In the happiness of having her safely here I was depressed and a little angry.  And honestly those feeling continues for more than a few months past her birth.  But the moment she was placed in my arms she nuzzled in close and latched without much help.  I felt relieved, I felt elated, I felt like I could in fact do this mothering thing, despite the extra intervention to get her here.  I still worried that somehow her birth would leave a mark on our relationship, that some how we would not fully bond.  She has proven me wrong.

Nursing a Toddler
Not only did my champion nursling take to the breast easily
, but my milk came in quickly. With in a week she was over her birth weight.  We never suffered thrush, clogged ducts or nipple confusion.  Her and I became a fairly inseparable pair.  Even though she willingly went to other people to play and socialize when she was tired or hungry there was only one answer and one person she wanted, Mama and her milk. Our biggest nursing hurtle was trying to get her to take
a bottle or a binky, she never really took to a bottle and only picked up the binky as a toddler when she started weaning.  I was fortunate to breastfeed her a few weeks past her second birthday before my body decided it needed to focus on feeding the little baby growing inside my belly and not the wiggly little girl on my lap.  I look forward to being able to nourish and bond with another little nursling, and pray that it will go as smoothly as my journey with Jellybean.

It has been a few months since she fully weaned, and while she will now except others for comfort she is still my ever companion.  And if she could articulate it properly I think she would tell you that she is part of me, or that I am part of her.  But either way we are an extension of each other, and that is more than just because I am her mother.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Growing Some More

Our very subtle baby announcement came a month
before we moved in to our new home.
Things have changed since I last sat down and looked at my blog. We have finally move into our new house even though it is still unfinished (but that's another post). And we have been blessed with the surprise of adding one more to our family.  This little mama is growing another little person.

I was hoping to use this as an opportunity to write post upon post about being pregnant, and waiting for baby.  But honestly this time is a lot different.  Our whole situation is different.  We are just as excited, but there is no time for naval gazing and reading about baby names when you have a house to complete and are trying to keep a toddler from climbing the drapes.  We haven't been as social and I'm not working outside the house; so there is no one to ask how I'm doing or if they can touch my belly.  I am not having a baby shower and there is no long registry.  I haven't been as good about eating a high nutrient diet or doing my prenatal yoga.  There is no birthing class or pile of Mommy Magazines.

And part of me feels really guilty.  I really thought it was going to be a magical little time, like it was with Jellybean. And I wonder if some how this little boy is just getting gypped.  I know he will be just as health and loved as Jellybean, but I do still worry that some how it is effecting him.  I guess part of my job as a mother is to worry about these things. But really I just feel guilty, and sad for him.